Spanks

I don't have enough space here to say all the things I have in my life to be thankful for. I bike commuted into work today and it was really hard. Round trip it's about 30 miles and about 14 times today on my ride in I wanted to not be riding in. So, doing the math on that it was nearly every mile I felt less than stellar. Every mile I tried to give myself a break and remind myself that it was the first day back, in the cold, and I should go easier on myself. My body and fitness felt ok, but I couldn't adjust to the cool weather and I had a little bit of a headwind, but I persevered and felt happy (at the end) that I stayed with it. I know the route well and I know all the places I could have picked up the bus, or called my brother and just called the whole thing off, but sometimes you just have to push through the uncomfortableness of it all. I wasn't miserable; I was just not feeling it today. I have the return trip yet tonight and hopefully I have enough lights to make my way safely.

What I did like about today was that I forgot I was on a bike. I realized I've moved to an entirely different level of comfort with my bike. My feet clip in and out of the pedals without much thought of doing so. I can be stretched out on that bike for an hour or so and not feel any soreness of sitting in the saddle or having no ache in my lower back or any burn in my quads. The uncomfortable part came only from my mind and sometimes that is the most difficult to push away. Your body can send you signals that it wants to quit and those signals are hard to deny. One can usual figure out pretty quick if the physical pain is serious or just an annoyance that won't do any harm if you keep going, however, when the mind gets derailed it's almost impossible (for me) to get back on track. Today I had to continuously refocus and remind myself that my body wasn't hurting, that I was just uncomfortable, and that it wouldn't last forever. That it was only an hour. That I should smile. That I should look around. That I should be thankful.

I arrived at work and I was tired, but I was happy. It made me realize the effort that I had made and that I worked and that I tried, even when I didn't want to. It made me even more thankful that my body still works for me and that the MS is still cutting me some slack. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for those who surround me and love me, even with all my imperfections.

Have a safe holiday to those of you reading this.