This is it

Thanks to everyone who donated, helped me, supported me, and loved me enough to get me to Tuscany. I've been back exactly one week now and it almost feels like a month has passed. I come back to my life here and to the work on my desk. I slid back into my life and into the unending battle of just trying everyday to find my way. I try hard and I constantly feel like I am learning all the time. All that happens to us each day, I constantly remind myself that all I have control over is how I react. I remember being on a bike ride with my friend John and we stopped for coffee and I made the comment that nothing seems to work out like I think it's going to and his response was "rarely do things work out like we think they are going to".

I dunno, but I find peace in that statement. I find comfort knowing that I don't know. It makes me stop and smile more now. It makes me nicer to the crabby person who is checking me out at the grocery store. I remember that I don't want to be standing in line buying groceries, and it's probably a pretty safe bet that the person checking me out wants to be there even less. It's those thoughts that make me stop and ask how their day is, and then really listen to the answer.

I don't always do good by those around me. Sometimes I stumble on my way to try and find happiness. Sometimes I hurt people around me that I don't mean to.. with simple things like my disregard and not calling my friends or family enough, or sending an email or picking up the phone. Sometimes I get wrapped up in all things 'me'. I don't like that about myself, but at least I can say that being aware of something is at least the first step in making a change. And not to be afraid of change. And mostly not to be afraid of life. By not being afraid of making mistakes you find courage in knowing it's ok to fail. Falling down teaches us how to get back up. And we can all get back up even when it's hard.

I hope sometimes when I ride my bike to work in the rush hour traffic that just one person --just one-- sees me and feels inspired. Inspired, maybe not to ride a bike, but to do something outside of their comfort zone. Inspired to give the next bicyclist on the road just a little more room as they pass by. Inspired maybe to take a different road home and see something new.

When I found out I had MS it took me about 2 minutes to realize I needed to fight this out. Because of MS I've ridden my bike in the French Alps and the Spanish Pyrenees. I've rolled along on two wheels through Tuscany. I've tasted wines from the regions. I've licked the salt from the Mediterranean off my lips. I've laughed alongside of some of the most magnificent people as I clicked my gears and cranked the pedals. I have not given up or in.

I am back stateside and fall and the cooler weather is setting in. I layer on the clothes and I head out alone and hope for the best.

Tomorrow morning I will look at myself in the mirror and be happy to see the person staring back at me. I'll hop on the bike. I'll feel my tired legs as I climb out of Northeast Minneapolis and I'll smile. I'll try harder to not resist so much and that the only thing I know for sure is that change is going to come. I'll love as much as I can what I have today, what is around me, what is given to me and I'll give back as much as I can. And at the end of each day I'll know I tried, even if I failed, and know that sometimes courage is that quiet voice at the end of the day that says "I will try again tomorrow"

Love to you all as I sign off of this blog. I say thank you for helping me fight. Wellstone said it best when he said "We all do better when we all do better"